Recovery
by Seosh
Summary: Ziva is learning to adjust back to the "normal" way of life. Set during S7. Sequel to "Five Things". *Chapter 8 Up Now*
1. Back to the Start

**A/N:** Here's the sequel to "Five Things". It will basically just cover the gaps that were left out by the NCIS writers, so Enjoy!

**Disclaimer: **I was walking down the street... no.

**Recovery**

.::.

I. Back to the Start

She had finally been left alone after being examined by the doctors and her welcome-back at NCIS headquarters. She closed her eyes and sunk herself down against the locked door of the women's bathroom.

The floor felt cool to her skin and it felt wonderful compared to the conditions of where she'd been captured for the past few weeks, her skin had been sticky and hot every day, and she felt like ripping them off at times.

She took a few deep breaths, she knew she had a few minutes before someone found her, and hopefully it would be enough time for her to gather her shattered self.

So many things swirled in her head that she found it had to know where to start.

Was she still part of NCIS? She was never part of NCIS in the first place; she had been assigned as a Mossad liaison officer, nothing more.

Would she return to Mossad? That she could answer. No way in hell. Mossad and Eli were the two things she thought she could trust, but clearly she'd been mistaken.

Where would she go? Her apartment was blown up, not that she wanted to return back there after all that had happened.

Would NCIS offer her a shelter while she settled back to America? She didn't really want it, to be honest, she didn't really need or want the restraint that they'd put on her. The scrutinizing ways of "taking care of her" would be suffocating.

The door behind her shook as someone walked into it, probably expecting it to be unlocked. She stood and placed her hand on the lock. So she'd figured out two things, she had no job and nowhere to go.

Click.

.::.

"Ahh Ziva, would you please come with me for a second?" Ducky rounded the corner from the elevator and she actually was glad that it was him, she really didn't want to face Gibbs or Abby and definitely not McGee or Tony, she owed them too much, and she just didn't know how to return that kind of bravery that they'd gone through for her.

So quietly she trailed behind Ducky and used him like a shield from the eyes around the building, they watched her like hawks in desperate need of food. They slipped into the elevator and it scared her a little as the doors closed, she couldn't help but think of the worst.

What if Ducky turned into the monster that she feared?

What if the elevator somehow turned into that cell?

Could the memories save her again?

She was snapped back when the elevator came to a stop and the doors slipped open, and it surprised both herself and Ducky how quickly she darted from the metal box. And she regretted it almost immediately as she saw Ducky check something off on his mental checklist, sometimes she wished he could be just like everyone and not see everything, and worse, interpret everything.

"I would imagine you'll need a place to stay for the time being, you are most welcome to stay at my place…" she could tell that he wanted to push on, speak of things better left unspoken, and she applauded him for his self control. She definitely did not want to talk about it. Not now. Probably not ever, considering the way things were going.

"That would be great, thank you Doctor Mallard." The words felt foreign to her mouth, she knew it must've sounded off as they came out in blocks and chunks, as if she hadn't meant it at all.

Had she not spoken for so long she couldn't even construct smooth sentences?

"If you want to talk I am here." She heard a sigh as she turned her back on him and headed towards the stairwell, the elevator was still too confronting at that moment, she just couldn't take two rides in such close intervals.

.::.

It must've been her luck to step out of the stairwell and bump straight into none other than the director himself.

"Ahh, Miss David, I've been looking for you everywhere," he smiled his pearly whites with the usual toothpick stabbed within his molars, "here is your phone and some necessary documents." She felt like slapping him, his act was painful to watch, she'd rather he chucked the items at her and leave her be, there was no need to play nice. She hated pity.

"Thank you."

"We've also organized one of the safe houses for you –"

"That won't be necessary; I'm staying with… a friend." With a rough nod, she skirted around him, not really caring the look that he shot at her.

She really hated the NCIS building at that moment, there was nowhere she could go that was empty and wide enough not to send chills through her body. Absent of a watch, she flipped her new phone open and glanced at the time.

She sent a text to Ducky, telling him not to worry about her where-a-bouts and that she'd be back at his place later in the evening; first she needed to get out of there.

Her eyes glanced over towards her old desk; there was no other agent present in front of her computer, had they really not been able to replace her? It should've been easy. There were plenty of much better socially-equipped and qualified applicants; there should've been someone else at her desk.

Her eyes moved to the right, Gibbs had disappeared as usual, probably out for a coffee or lurking somewhere in the building. She'd almost missed McGee, but after a little tip of the toe she noticed his head of brown hair rested against his desk; sleeping. She had to fight herself to glance over at Tony, he seemed lost, his eyes were open and they seemed focused onto nothing in particular. He should've been sleeping, and she hated that she was the one that put those rings around his eyes.

She took a deep breath as she slipped back into the stairwell, back into the background.

.::.

**A/N:** Tell me your thoughts, your ideas. They'd all be greatly appreciated and maybe some of your suggestions might get incorporated into this story. But for now, Tata! Love yas!


	2. Afraid

**II. Afraid**

.::.

She was incredibly relieved that it was the weekend, she couldn't handle going back to NCIS headquarters, two days in a row made it seem surreal, she was not supposed to be here, alive, and she most definitely was undeserving of such great friends. She took a deep breath as she slipped on her coat before taking her first step out of Ducky's house.

She'd debated over and over if she should stay inside and just stay away from anyone or head downtown and enjoy herself a little. Staying indoors felt too confined and to be honest the wall scared her, so that left her with one other option.

She stepped out of the bus and when her sandals hit the hard concrete ground she didn't expect the flash of Saleem's face when he had pushed her countless of times and each time she landed with a deafening thud on the floor, the familiar vibration sent chills through her. She shook herself out of it; she would not let him overcome her, especially not in public.

Adjusting to the busy streets she quickly flowed in between people, dodging them as she fought the current, she had to force herself to keep her eyes wide open from the oncoming civilians, and they were like a never ending torrent that seemed to push her back, further and further, like capturing her.

Finally she slipped out of the mob of rushing people and a cooling wave of relief washed over her, and it took her by surprise how simple an accomplishment it was but it still made her feel like she was on top of the world, like she'd discovered a cure for cancer. She'd forgotten all these straightforward menial things; she sort of missed it actually.

She ventured to a nearby coffee vendor and stood in line for her turn to order. Maybe she just wasn't familiar with it yet but she felt suffocated wedged between two people, it wasn't like before though, this time they were all stationery and it scared her a little, the fact that she didn't know what they would do drew her walls up.

Never was she so glad to reach the front of the line to order, there would've been a time where she would have enjoyed the wait in the line to observe people as they went on with their everyday lives.

"That'd be –"

"Keep the change." The man accepted the bill and gave her a mini muffin with her coffee. With a coffee and muffin in hand she scuttled over to a bench, she felt like a foreigner. Who was she kidding? She was a foreigner. The Americans had saved her. _She_ was still a citizen of Israel.

Her time in the desert must've weakened her senses, for she didn't notice or even recognize the man that sat next to her was a familiar face, a very familiar one indeed.

She wouldn't deny that she was probably not ready to talk to him yet, but it had to be done sooner or later. Later would've been more preferable, she still didn't know what to say to him. However she wasn't left with a lot of choice.

"How are you adjusting back?" She didn't really feel like sharing at all how she felt, but his memorable smile was too friendly to reject.

"I am… okay." She pulled forced smile. He must've seen through it like glass.

"Good coffee?"

"Excuse me?" It was the most she could say; she hadn't expected it to be so easy. He was Tony anyways; he was the nosy, need-to-know guy. And it just supported her theory that she had grown weak, weak enough for pity. And she'd say it over and over again, she hated pity.

"Your coffee… or is that tea?"

"No, it is coffee. It is reasonable I guess."

"Yeh, mine sucks though." She'd always admired how easily he could make her smile, and it definitely added help to adjusting back to this civilized society. It has been hard, that much she can say.

There was silence after that, she stole glances to her side every now and then, and he still wore the same expression as she had seen him the day before. He seemed lost, his eyes looked empty.

"Uhh… so how is the case?" He shrugged.

"I don't know to be honest, McGee's got something, well, at least I think he does." She knew she was scrutinizing him, and she wondered how he could ignore it and act as normal as he did. Slowly his eyes travelled from left to right and then finally to her.

"We can talk about –"

"I am not ready." He nodded, understanding. And she wondered if she had been too tough on him, he was only trying to help, she knew that. But everything was still too fresh, there was no need to put more salt on her still open wounds, she'd leave it to heal for awhile, at least until they scabbed.

"I'll see you around then?" He got up, and for the first time she felt the cool breeze whip her skin. Unconsciously she pulled her coat tighter around herself and she flinched at the increased pressure on her still recuperating bruises and cuts.

She looked up to see him staring at her, more specifically her body. She knew he saw her flinch, and she knew he was tempted to let his usual ways take over.

"Okay…" he clasped his hands together and walked off.

That had definitely gone a lot smoother than she had hoped, but it was odd, he didn't feel like Tony. It was either something was wrong with him or something was wrong with her. But it was probably both of them.

She jumped up from the bench; the haunting feeling of hardness beneath her crept up her spine, like millions of tiny miniscule spiders crawling up her. And suddenly she wished for Tony to come back, just to stand near her, she needed something to grasp. Here all by herself, with thousands of strangers walking by she felt like she was drowning, like the water that Saleem and his men had thrown on her. It was just too much…

.::.

**A/N:** Just finished an exam today, so here's an update! I'll try to be quicker with the updates, but be patient, I'll get there. xD

Thank you for the reviews so far, make sure if you want some of your own ideas or questions to be answered leave a review. *Hands out mini chocolate and blueberry muffins* (Yes, you can have what Ziva is having) Hehe!


	3. Just A Talk

**III. Just a Talk**

.::.

She was extremely disappointed in herself, it was ridiculous how cowardly she was acting; she hated hiding from her friends but it all seemed too real. Nonetheless, it was bound to take place, and eventually she'd have to face them; all of them. And who else better to start with than Gibbs? He was never one of many words, and that was what she needed. To not talk.

She ended up walking to Gibbs' house instead of catching a bus or taxi. It wasn't particularly far and the fresh air sure did her some good. Cleared her head and allowed her to think sanely, and it was most definitely welcomed as she pondered upon what she'd do next. Her life seemed to have become a game of chess and she was stuck at checkmate, not sure where to go. One move and it could all go wrong.

What _was_ next? She'd already made up her mind about never returning to Israel, at least not to live there anyways. So backwards was definitely not an option, it was practically suicide; she wouldn't be able to live with herself if she did.

There was no doubt that she wanted to stay in her current line of career, and considering that fact that she'd already formed a relationship with NCIS, it seemed like the most reasonable option. Whatever complications the future may hold she'd deal with later, anymore and her head would explode. Knowing she couldn't do this alone she made a mental note to ask Gibbs for a favor to help her, she'd need all that she could get.

The constant battering of thoughts distracted her that she hadn't realized she'd passed Gibbs' place until she caught the freshly painted fence out of her peripheral. For some reason she felt something drop in the pit of her stomach, almost as if she'd been betrayed. And though her accusation of Gibbs was childish, she couldn't stop her head from drawing conclusions that Gibbs had not thought of her, instead wasted his time on painting his white picket fence than going to save her. After all, Tony's name was the one thrown around being the pursuer. She debated on venturing towards the house then, it felt fake, like the man she thought would offer her the most comfort was being forced to.

Shaking her head she turned around and sat herself down by the curb; sometimes she really hated her stubborn ways. And it wasn't long before she caught her conscience's guilt, that her reasoning's were merely an excuse to delay herself from talking to anyone.

She rose to her feet and slowly made her way up the rock pavement. Her body felt drained by the time she reached the front door, like the walk up to the front verandah was a test of bravery or something rather.

And just as she had expected the door swung open as she turned the handle, the door was flawless, not a single creak, clearly it had been recently greased. She took her time to shut the door, careful to make the least amount of noise she could, her heart picked up pace and instead of heading straight for the basement door she glanced through the few personalized items that hung on the walls and sat around. But it wasn't long before her unconscious attempt to stall her meet with Gibbs was over and she found herself at the top of the steps.

.::.

When she said Gibbs was a man of few words, she hadn't thought he was one with no words.

Her final step onto the concrete floor was purposely loud, and it sure caught his attention, but she was pretty sure he knew the moment she stepped into the house. He was famous for his supernatural ways that he could only justify was just his gut.

It hurt her to look at his blue eyes, and what she expected was concern or something of regret, but they were scornful almost as if accusing. It didn't last long though, his eyes darted back to his current project, and it was like she didn't exist at all as he continued to sand the blocks of wood.

She bit back the emotions that at that point were passed the point of threatening. With a loud thud she sunk down onto one of the steps. Her breath picked up pace and it was like a snap of the finger, her vision went black and suddenly breathing was so fucking hard and she could hear her own gasps but she couldn't control them. She was almost glad that her vision blurred and light became visible once again, but then to her nightmare, Saleem's face appeared and it all happened all too quickly. His eyes glinted with pure wickedness and the smile that followed had her hairs rising on end.

Something shook her and still completely out of it she smashed the heavy object towards the wall, the grunt that followed knocked her back to reality.

Gasping hard and violently she swallowed the lump that had crept its way up. And almost immediately she felt a pair of strong arms around her, and the beat of a heart thudded loudly into her ear mimicking that of her own. Then all went silent and the wetness that pounded from her eyes was the last thing she could remember before the lights plunged from her.

.::.

**A/N:** 5 reviews and you'll get the next chapter in 2 days, or else you'll just have to wait a bit longer ^.^


	4. Restart

**A/N:** Here it is as promised! Enjoy!

.::.

**IV. Restart**

.::.

Her memory was vague and when her eyes fluttered open she had to take a moment to both stabilize herself and recognize her surroundings.

She was pissed to say the least. Gibbs had chickened out, and brought her back to Ducky's place, of all people she had expected him to have the guts to stay, yeh his renowned famous ones, and clearly he didn't.

But who could she blame? He hated her and she knew it, she knew he hated her because she ran and more so because she lied to him; she would've hated herself too; the fact was that she did though.

She never did like lying, and it was incredibly hard for her to deal with in the beginning, to lie to someone face to face and mask any signs of weakness, of regret. She hated Mossad for doing that to her, they turned her into a heartless monster that could smile after every kill, and worse, be proud of it.

And now she just felt like crying, felt like tearing down all her walls and for just once, live a day without all the restraints around her. She could imagine what a relief it would be. But it was exactly that, just an imagination.

Steadying herself off the bed she took a deep breath before walking to the door. With each step she took, waves of fury, one after the other fired through her and she slammed her fist against the door, and hell it hurt, but she didn't care at that moment. The pain was the only viable thing that could convince her that she hadn't lost it completely.

When she finally opened the door, she was met with Ducky's face, one written with concern.

"Are you okay my dear? I thought you had fallen off your bed…" His eyes examined her and the look he gave her puzzled her. She looked down to where he was looking and was surprised to see her hand was bleeding and droplets of blood were slowly cascading down her arm and dripping onto the hardwood floor. It was strange, she hadn't even noticed it until Ducky had unintentional pointed it out.

She stood, unable to move while Ducky disappeared then and returned with his medical kit. Setting her down on a chair he looked at her sympathetically and with a sigh he began to clean up the cut that had split open her skin.

"I must have scratched myself too hard." Ducky looked at her disbelievingly, almost mocking her for coming up with such a lame excuse.

"Ziva, I know you punched the door, I was getting around to fixing that stray nail that had gotten loose, and looks like you beat me to it." His laugh did the opposite of his intentions and instead the air grew thicker and she wished – stuff her bleeding hand – that she could just get out of there.

"I did not mean to."

"It is okay my dear," he finished off with a light bandage around the wound, "I am…" He nodded his head and left her.

She was actually surprised to see Ducky finally speechless; he was always one with the endless strings of words, and she had a feeling she wouldn't be seeing an encore of it anytime soon. Now with a clearer mind set, she got up and crossed the hallway and left the house. There was one thing that she always stuck to.

If you get knocked down.

Get back up, and try again. Just don't fuck it up again.

.::.

She felt awful for ending up back at Gibbs place. Deciding better to turn up with an ulterior reason that could bail her out of her anticipated situation-gone-wrong, she stopped by a hardware shop and purchased the first thing she got her hands on. Which had effectively turned out to be a chisel, hopefully he wouldn't take it as a threat that she wanted to kill him or somewhat rather.

And there she was ten minutes later, a chisel comfortably tucked in her pocket as she descended the steps. She knew she'd use it before her foot even hit the concrete ground.

.::.

To be honest, she hadn't planned for their talk to end up that way, it was part bitter and part sweet, but there was something hidden behind his voice that she couldn't quite pick at. She knew she'd betrayed his trust, took it like a fragile vase and shattered it onto the floor, and then, she just looked at it, couldn't even be bothered to pick it back up and try to fix it. She didn't deserve his forgiveness; she didn't deserve any of their forgiveness.

So there she stood, their talk done, in the front yard of Gibbs' house, staring at nothing in particular, contemplating what to do next. She'd dodged one checkmate, but now she was stuck in yet another. She let the wind caress her skin and just like that, she knew exactly what she had to do.

She was about to turn onto the main footpath when she heard a voice call out from behind.

"Where are you going Ziva?"

"To talk." There was an odd tug of his lips before the usual line returned, then with a little flick of his hand he waved her back inside. She obliged and as she took the steps in one leap he watched her warily.

"Here." He handed her a slightly burned photo, and it took a moment for her to figure out how he'd gotten his hands on it. Her apartment of course. Or at least, what was left of it.

"Thank you Gibbs." He smiled genuinely this time and disappeared back into the house.

Her plans were all but forgotten as she sat on the front steps and stared at the photograph in her hands. She couldn't help but think how ironic it was that within the picture of herself amongst her father, mother and siblings that the fire had only burnt both Ari and her father; she should've been one of them though. But no, the girls of the family stood strong and prominent, she was given another chance and oddly that heightened her spirits and suddenly the thought of speaking to the others wasn't all that bad.

**.::.**

**A/N:** Same applies for this chappy, 5 reviews update sooner than later =D.


	5. Promises, No Lies

**A/N:** Here's another little conversation that I thought Tony and Ziva might've had (who am I kidding? If this ever happened it would've only been in fiction haha). This takes place after the bathroom scene. I just couldn't see her fit back in with the little awkwardness between the two, so… tadah!

.::.

V. Promises, No Lies

.::.

She rounded the corner as she left the men's bathroom; glad that no one saw her as of yet she slipped into the secluded little copy room. She locked the door and slid to the ground, her head in her hands. She couldn't trust herself against gravity at that moment, too much had happened, and too much was said. Yet they weren't the words she wanted to say, not the ones that she wanted him to hear.

.::.

Earlier in the day she had been on the verge of backing out of talking to him altogether. It was awkward, it was not what she had wanted to happen, the combination of an arguing Tony and McGee with a walk-by Vance was never a good combination. There was just too much to face and the boost of strength she had before leaving Gibbs house shrunk to the size of a pea.

To be completely honest she couldn't remember half of what happened, for a moment she was standing in Vance's office trying to mend the cracks while restraining herself from shoving the toothpick down his throat. Then whatever happened in between she couldn't say for sure. There were his eyes then there was a phone and a familiar voice then the next thing she found herself in the stairwell, fear from both the elevator and Ducky.

She tugged her sleeve down unconsciously and pushed aside the thought of her bandaged hand as she appeared at Abby's lab, hell she might've teleported there and she couldn't tell for sure that she didn't.

What could she say? Abby's rant wasn't exactly how she expected it but it was close enough, it was always different and mildly odd when it came to her raven-haired friend. But what got her the most was the moment she realized Abby rushing towards her.

She could feel her heart begin to race and she wasn't sure if it'd hold out at the pace it was pumping at. She knew what she was doing but she couldn't stop herself, her whole body stiffened and as hard as she tried to force her body to relax it wouldn't come. It felt like it went on for minutes as the world closed on her and she could feel an encore coming along, her eyes were darkening, she wasn't far.

The sudden burst of noise that followed the confetti and banner knocked her back, and how glad she was. Immediately she returned the hug, it was more for herself than it was for Abby. She held onto her idly but in her head she was grasping on to her like an anchor, something to keep her from drifting back to that horrible place.

When they pulled apart, she couldn't help but feel her cheeks heat up, the look Abby was giving her clearly told her she'd felt that moment when everything turned on her. Forcing her feet to move, she bid a good day and a good bye.

.::.

Her head snapped up to watch the door knob twist from side to side; it was like a scene out of the horror movies Tony had shown her a few years back. She staggered to her feet and turned the lights off and then very quietly she pulled herself over to the window. Sitting on the window sill, she stared at the knob like it was the most precious thing in the world. A wave of relief rose from her, and she let out the breath she hadn't realized she was holding when the air stilled and the knob stopped.

Her mind at ease she stared out the window, observing the people below. And she must've been really out of it when a voice called out to her. She couldn't even believe it herself that she hadn't heard him enter.

"Ziva." His voice was too soft and too… not him. He locked the door and she had to remind herself that this was just Tony; it wasn't Saleem coming in for his daily routine.

"Go away Tony."

"I just wanted to talk."

"We already did."

"That was not a talk Ziva, a conversation in the men's room? C'mon!" He shrunk back when she turned her head from the window to stare at him wide-eyed.

"We are fine."

"Are we?"

"You were the one who left."

"I know, and I'm a fool for doing so. Ziva, I crossed that ocean for you, and I want you to know that."

"What are you trying to achieve by telling me this?"

"Because this is a new start, what we had before it was based on lies, years of lies," he paused, "so I don't want… this to be the same."

"Okay Tony."

"That it?"

"Yes." She gave him a slight smile and he returned it with his usual gleaming grin. And as she watched him turn and head towards the door something in her itched at her to tell him. And yeh, she liked the notion of telling the truth, but sometimes it was just so hard to stay faithful and true to that.

"Tony." His vibrant green eyes glanced back at her; expectant.

"I am afraid." That must've caught him off guard, his actions sure spoke words. With furrowed brows he approached her and took a seat next to her.

"My ninja's afraid?" He said it almost disbelievingly and it was a part of him that she always hated, his ways of hiding behind jokes, sometimes she wished he could just say what he meant. But in saying that she'd be a hypocrite; obvious was easiest.

"Nevermind."

"Oh c'mon! I didn't mean it like that."

"I am afraid, that is all you need to know."

"You're afraid of him aren't you?" She watched him warily, "you don't have to say it, I can see it in your eyes… you don't have to talk about it, but I'm here for you."

She could see the struggle in his actions as he contemplated whether to pursue or just head for the door. And she was somewhat surprised when he placed his larger hands on top of hers.

"I promise."

And then she was alone again. What a contradiction.

And she just wanted to call out to him, and tell him she didn't want to be alone.

.::.

**A/N:** 5 reviews = fast update =D... or else I'll take my time dragging my lazy butt to write haha xD

Thanks for all the hits and reviews!


	6. Over Something Familiar

**VI.** Over something Familiar

.::.

"It was wrong for them to do that." Her head snapped up in habit as she sat on the creaky park bench. She glanced up to see him, a box of aromatic cheese and pepperoni pizza in and two sodas in hand.

"You should really lay on that junk." She grabbed a slice from the box as he propped himself next to her.

"I think you meant lay off, but I haven't actually had it in a while, trust me."

She beamed him a knowing look, calling on his bluff.

"Okay, fine."He admitted and took a large bite from his slice, "I'm sorry."

"You have been doing a lot of that lately."

"Because I am, I said I'd be there for you and I clearly failed, I let them get to you."

"It is okay."

"No it's not, you should not have gone through that, I know how tough it can be –"

"Do you, Tony? Do you really know?" His green eyes stared at her sympathetically and she almost reached out to turn his face away. She hated pity.

"It is all my fault."

"Nothing is your fault."

"In the end, it all comes down to me. That was why you left and ended up in that hell hole." The silence was sludgy in the air and even the coolness burnt her skin. "You did not deserve any of it."

"Can we not talk about it anymore?"

"Okay." He kept a close eye on her for a few moments longer.

"Good pizza."

"I'm sorry, but why are you not mad at me?"

"Because I have forgiven you Tony."

"Why? I just don't get how you can even speak to me."

"Drop it." She rose from the bench and took a few steps into the breeze of the darkening sky.

"I want to know why, Ziva." She could hear him place the box down and his feet shuffle to her side.

"You are my partner… you were just looking out of me." She could feel her eyes sting as tears threatened to well up, "and because you are a good person."

"You're a good person too Ziva." She snorted and laughed into the empty park before them.

"Why are you laughing?" She stopped and inhaled.

"Sometimes I forget that behind that idiot mask you put up is a real person." And at that, he chuckled.

"Hell yeah. There is so much I want to tell you Ziva." She turned to face his profile; his eyes sparkled against the light glow of the moon as he gazed at nothing in particular, and it irked her that he seemed unbothered by her stare.

"Thank you."

"What?" That caught his attention and his head flicked towards her.

"I just… I have not thanked you for coming for me."

"Well, I'll take that, I did spend quite an effort and time on you, never worked that hard in my life before."

"And there it is; the modesty." He caught on with her infectious laugh.

"This reminds me of a movie –"

"Now that is the Tony I know."

"What? You don't like sentimental Tony?" she shook her head and laughed as he gaped at her and clutched his heart dramatically, "anyways, in the movie the guy falls for this girl and…"

.::.

Morning had arrived as she lazily rubbed her eyes and peeled them open. She squinted at the sudden brightness and she nearly fell off the bed when she realized that she wasn't in Ducky's house. It took a moment longer for her to figure out that she was definitely in Tony's apartment, and with a sudden freak out she glanced down and was glad to see that she was still fully dressed.

The door squeaked open and Tony sauntered in, dressed in his slacks with a half buttoned dress shirt and an undone tie swung around his neck.

"Hey, good morning."

"What am I doing here?"

"Uhh, it got kinda late when we finished last night and you fell asleep so I thought it would've been easier to just bring you here." She nodded her head slowly, drinking in what he had just told her, "oh! Don't worry, I… I took the couch, and I gave Ducky a ring to tell him you were just with me."

"We need to get to work." Her voice was monotonous and he looked at her quizzically as she scrambled around from the bed and rushed herself towards the door, almost as if she was scared and running. He grabbed her by the arm and she reacted in a way he hadn't expected, she pulled away from him violently and the darkness of her eyes that met his frightened him.

"Are you okay?" She shrunk further back, her hands out in front of her, protective, and then her whole body collapsed onto the floor and curled up into a ball, her eyes were still hollow like something had taken over her. He crouched down and carefully placed a hand on her shoulder. The punch that struck his arm knocked him onto his side and despite the fire that flared from his shoulder down to his fingers he reached out and shook her.

And then, thrown into the unknown, came a loud gasp followed by tears that pooled down onto his clean crisp shirt. He watched her guiltily, knowing that he had done this. And he had to question the conversation they had the night prior, more specifically the question she had asked him.

Did he really know all the shit she went through? Did he know how tough it really was?

No. He didn't. But one thing he knew, he will be there for her.

Cause he promised.

.::.

**A/N:** Sooo sorry for not updating for so long. I've been so busy OoO! Anyways leave a review on your way out :D


	7. Tears

**VII. Tears**

.::.

"Here's one of my favourite angels, a picture and last but not least the collage I put together for you," Abby placed the items onto the table; her head angled up towards Ziva, pity in her eyes. Scared and unsure what to expect she gave a sad smile, "I'll let myself out… call me if you need me."

Ziva watched on as her friend walked out of her new living room, it was sort of sad as she watched the bouncing black hair disappear altogether and what was left was just the dull, dreary wall in front of her. She wanted to voice out and say some sort of thanks for the effort, but it felt like her head was overloading, link a sink overflowing and the tap just wouldn't stop.

Call it sadistic or whatever shit, but the feeling she got when the space around her plunged into silence was somewhat comforting. It confused the hell out of her. Abandonment haunted her and the company scared her. And it was like a switch, suddenly that great almighty feeling that she had for being left alone tugged at her heart and hell it hurt, like someone pointed a gun at her and instead of playing it coy with her, they pulled the trigger.

Had it been minutes? It would've been more likely hours later, but somehow and some time she found herself on the floor of her bathroom as she sought comfort from the cold tiles beneath her fragile body. It was all too much, the emptiness, the quietness and the hardness of the ground; her brown eyes flickered up at the wall ahead of her. Darkness obscured her vision and it felt like déjà vu, the rough stone-built wall awaited before her, and the urge to run herself straight into it was dangerously tempting.

She'd completely forgotten about the vision-like-memories, and the sudden recollection had her yearning for it again, it was the drug she needed to stop the pain, because nothing was helping. She could pretend everything was fine, that everything would go back to normal but the truth of the matter was, nothing would ever be the same, not her, not her friends and there wasn't even a question on her life.

.::.

A bag full of Mexican food swung in the bag as he scaled up the stairs. He really loved her new place, he'd helped pick it out and to be honest he seriously considered moving there himself, but he knew he never would.

17.

18.

19. He stopped and swiveled and delivered a cheery beat onto the hardwood door. After the third knock he dropped the bag on the ground and fiddled with the lock. Hearing the familiar click he entered her still empty abode.

He really wondered if he had overreacted when he overheard the sound of a hairdryer coming from the bathroom. Tentatively he settled the food onto the smooth jarrah table before navigating himself through hallways until he found the bathroom.

The sight of a slightly gaped door irked him.

"Ziva?" The hairdryer continued its loud roar.

"Ziva are you in there?" his voice rose to somewhat of a shout.

"Ziva… I'm coming in…" he poked at the door like a child afraid to reveal what lay behind it and it swung open slowly, almost like it was straight from a movie. His eyes took a moment to adjust to the pitch black and scared shit he felt around for the switch. The cluttered display before him when the room illuminated sent shivers up his back and the hairs of his neck rise on end.

The dryer lay on the new cream colored tiles, on full blast, surrounded by a pool of blood. His eyes trailed upwards to the dent in the concrete wall; dreading what he'd see next he turned around the corner and saw Ziva curled up into a ball. The growing bruise around the gash on her head had begun to scab, and he knew it would be at least safe to approach her.

"I'm going to hold you Ziva." Her brown orbs followed his movements vigilantly as he knelt down by her side and pulled her into a comforting embrace. Her body stiffened as he whispered into her ear, "what did you do?"

Gently he pulled the fresh towel from the rack above him and dabbed the blood on her forehead away.

"Are you okay?" She nodded.

"Let's get you cleaned up." He pulled himself up and held a hand out to her, but her eyes were still distant and there was no way she was going to move. He breathed out a frustrated sigh as he tried to contain himself from reacting to her stubbornness. Her brows furrowed as he leant back down and scooped her up, then placed her atop the sink counter.

With a wet towel he cleaned up the dry blood, "why?"

Finally after being left in a one-sided conversation she finally answered, "I'm fine."

"I don't believe you."

"Believe what you like."

"You need to eat."

.::.

**A/N:** I would just like to know from you guys if you would like to see this story continue or if I should wrap it up in the next chapter, so leave a review as you leave. Thanks!


	8. Questions, No Answers

**VIII. Questions, No Answers**

.::.

"You do not have to stay." She tucked her feet beneath her, sinking deeper into the soft cushions.

"I think I'll stay," she scrutinized him as he ignored her obvious invitation to leave and instead cleaned up the dishes.

"It was an accident, I told you." His body halted and his eyes snapped to her, drawn back by the ferocious anger and concern that lingered within his eyes she could feel her already vulnerable emotions lose control. When he placed down the dishes and stormed over to her side, she didn't really know what to expect.

"Of all things, you could do… just don't lie to me." The words struck right at her, even the air between them froze, and anything at that moment could've tipped them over the edge. And something must've gambled it, because the anger inside her shook and like a flip of a switch she was back on offense.

"As if you could say anything for yourself."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Jeanne-"

"That was different."

"You could've told me, did you not trust me?"

"Is this what it's about? That you're pissed at me for not telling you?"

"Your life is all a lie Tony! To think the only time you could even be honest with yourself is when the circumstance was a lie." The final words left her mouth with a ton of guilt, and she wanted to slap herself for being so insensitive. She watched him as he stumbled backwards, clearly marred by her words and with a quick turn he rushed out of her apartment.

Exhausted and too tired to even care and worry about what had happened she cleared the dishes and clumsily placed them in the sink. She steadied herself against the counter and hoping by some miracle that her stubbornness would let loose a little and let her go after him. She never did, instead, she dragged herself back to the bathroom to inspect the damage she had caused herself earlier.

She was a treacherous mess when she stared at her own reflection. Her fingers rose to the cotton-covered gash and slowly she explored her own face, from her eyebrows to her delicate little lips. And she was surprised by the unfamiliar contours of her face; she'd gone so long without taking care of herself that she'd completely forgotten what she actually felt like.

She pulled her hand away an inch or so but let her little finger linger on the caved corner of her lip, a slight smile lit her face when she remembered when he'd kissed her so unexpectedly hard during their undercover mission that she had bit her own lip.

She rubbed her eyes tirelessly and with a sigh she trudged towards the window that looked out towards the street. And as she had expected, his car was still there, but no matter how hard she squinted, there was not a trace of him. A little worried she headed for the door and ran downstairs.

.::.

The heavy doors banged open and had she not seen his hunched body on the steps she would've flew down the steps onto the footpath, and with a high probability of a concussion after her previous injury. He didn't seem a single bit bothered by her, knowing him as she did she parked herself down beside him.

"I am sorry for what I said earlier, I was out of line."

"But you're right." He finally glanced up at her, and nodded his head, almost as if he had actually accepted the fact.

"Does not mean I should have said it the way I did, I was cruel." His silence tainted the space around them with awkwardness and she'd give anything for a car to drive by or even just a bark from a dog.

"You're head's bleeding again," he picked at the gauze pad he'd placed there before and dabbed the crimson liquid that had snuck out, "let's get you back inside."

She knew he was trying to avoid the conversation that was inevitably going to take place, but even she knew she wasn't ready for that yet, she couldn't tell him yet.

.::.

"Why do you stay?" her brown eyes flickered up as he sterilized her gash from the dirt that had somehow made their way onto her wound.

"What?"

"Nothing." There were a few moments of silence before he sighed.

"I promised you. Remember?"

"So you are only here because of a promise? Is this an obligation that you feel you have to fulfill for you to be satisfied?"

"I'm doing this because I'm your partner, and partners have each other's backs. Well… in this case I have your forehead." And for the first time that night, things lightened and the first laughter broke through from the two.

"Thank you."

"Can I ask you something?"

"You want to know, right?"

"Ye –"

"No." Their eyes locked onto each others like they had done many times before, and it took all her strength for her to keep up her walls in their close proximity. She'd never admit it but he could break her down in an instant if he wanted.

"I heard Probie's gonna rock some leather pants tomorrow."

And she was glad he didn't.

.::.

**A/N:** Eeek, it has been quite a while since I last posted… I'm start writing the next chapter now. Drop a review if you still follow, or else I'll just wrap it up. Thanks!


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